Do you notice your energy drop? Maybe you have a hard time gathering your energy? Perhaps when you are with a certain person, you lose interest?

A fun trick is to notice where your energy is. Do you notice it outside of you or directed internally? Often we can feel drained when we leave our attention out or in for an extended period of time.

Do an exercise with me right now. Look at something that is further away- the wall, a tree, a person. Now bring your attention half way between that and where you are. Now bring your attention to your body. you can place it on your body as a whole or a part of your body. It can be a physical sensation- your feet on the ground, your bottom in the chair or a body sensation- butterflies in the stomach, pressure on your chest.

Challenge: notice when your energy drops, now notice where is your attention directed. If it is in, place it outside of yourself. And vice versa.

Photo curtesy of Stuart Miles at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Something that I think comes up somewhat often with the couples I see in couples therapy and coaching as well as my own life is having different perspectives of what quality time looks like.

Are you in a couple? Do you want argue over things to do together? Or even time that you spend together? Does one of you want more time than the other?

Quality time looks different to different people and if you don’t actually know what the other thinks is “quality time” than you may be arguing over the time you have together. If this comes up with your spouse, partner, girl/boyfriend, have a conversation about it. You may find out that one thinks quality time is going to a movie, sitting on opposite or the same side of the couch reading, looking longingly into each others eyes, having the other person’s full undivided attention, doing a project together, eating dinner with or without the tv on, sitting and talking. What kind of attention do you each want for your quality time and if you have what seem like contrasting ideas, how can it become a both/and vs an either/or?

Challenge: have the conversation and see if you are on the same page.

Image curtesy of Amenic181 at Freedigitalphotos.net

Often times couples have different needs around alone time and socializing time. When people have wants that aren’t expressed, arguments can ensue. Especially if one person wants the other to be a mind reader.

What your expectations are is an important conversation to have, especially with socializing holidays coming up. Check in with each other before you are at the bbq or party. What are your expectations of how long you will be there, how social you each will be, if you want to spend time together or be off on your own talking with people, if someone needs space what will they do (leave, take a walk, go read a book somewhere).

Photo curtesy of satit_srihin at freedigitalphotos.net

I have not written in a while, I have been in a bit of a whirlwind and doing the most necessary things.

I had a minor surgery a couple of weeks ago. And I find it so interesting how I have a certain idea of how things “should” go in terms of healing. I hear one thing from a doctor and expect it to be that: have energy in a few days, back to regular activities. Well, it didn’t happen that way. This has been a lesson in being present with what is and also not judging my experience to be wrong, it is what it is. I have been resting and healing slowly, really listening to my body. For example, my head wanted to do many things today and I had planned to move forward with my planned day. I started and noticed I was exhausted and I hadn’t even started. I checked in and noticed how much energy I was putting toward going back and forth deciding if I would do something and when I checked in, I was up for resting. So I cancelled it and rested.

My new mantra is: Healing is not linear. And this is true to so many things in life. Any process isn’t linear. I think most of us want there to be a set path that we take and follow the steps toward the goal and then we get there. I keep learning, from myself, my clients, friends and family, that is not so.

My homework for myself and if you wish to participate is to remind myself/yourself that life isn’t linear; healing, goals, growth aren’t linear. And it isn’t right or wrong, it just is. How can we accept, listen to our bodies of what wants to happen and allow. Enjoy your journey.

I have started and not yet finished a book called The ONE Thing. The idea is to ask yourself what is the one thing I can do right now that by doing it everything else will be unnecessary or easier (I don’t have the book in front of me right now, so the wording is off).

So for example, I have started to meditate for 5 minutes each morning. By doing so, I center myself, I slow down, I come into the present vs thinking of the next five things I want to do. My morning is easier, I am happier, I am calmer, I shift from irritation or grouchiness much easier.

This is a question you can throughout the day. It cen be related to business, to personal life, to finances. Try it out and see what happens.

Carl Jung is quoted as saying, “What you resist persists.” I love the image that came up when I typed in Resistance. It is so accurate. She is going into resistance in order to get a workout. And she is both the one initiating the resisting as she pulls up and then also resisting the band when she brings her arm down.

Try something with me, put your palms together in front of you. Now with one hand push against the other. What does your other hand do? Does it resist and push back? Does it flop and let the other hand push it over?  Does it push back to keep it where it is or try to push the other hand away? Were there places where you felt the resistance and other places on your palm where you didn’t (for example fingers pushing or heel of hand, yet not the center of palm or knuckles)? Typically when people do this, their other hand pushes back.

What would happen if you didn’t resist anymore? What is you resisted more? What if you just simply acknowledged that you were in fact resisting. I think that is a powerful place to be, knowing where you are and what you are doing because then you can make a conscious choice. Play with noticing what in your life you are resisting or wanting to change which is resisting the way things are right now.

Image curtesy of StockImages from FreeDigitalPhotos.net

I think we would all agree that there are two sides to a coin. We would probably also agree that there are at least two sides to a story. Yet somehow we think our stories that we make up about ourselves are completely and 100% true.  And we totally buy into them, someone can even tell us a different perspective and we don’t believe them.

Take for example an art project that you did in school. You take it home. You don’t like it. A friend, a parent, someone tells you they like it and often we then think, well you have to say that, you are just being nice.

Another example that may be more of a core issue: A story that I don’t do anything well, that I always mess up, that I can’t do anything right. Somewhere along the road I picked up that story. I didn’t come out as a baby with that story. I heard it somewhere and at some point believed it as true. And it is such a limiting belief that it keeps me from greatness because if that is true than how could I do something well, not mess up, do something perfectly?

I encourage you to challenge those beliefs about yourself. Notice a thought about yourself that you think is absolutely true. First, just notice it. Secondly, ask yourself could the opposite be absolutely true as well. Is it a possibility? I am not asking you to believe it, just think of it as a possibility because then you can start to shift if there is more than one possibility.

Photo compliments of Simon Howden from FreeDigitalPhotos.net